Sunday, December 11, 2011

Overheard at Romney HQ

High level staffers are said to be working through the weekend to dream up strategies to counteract the fallout from Mitt Romney's disastrous $10,000 bet with Rick Perry during Saturday night's GOP presidential debate.

Here are some of the ideas that might have been overheard at Romney headquarters:

"Maybe he meant to say $10. Or maybe the sound system picked it up wrong. I mean, what kind of person would offer a $10,000 bet?"

"Hello, isn't that exactly the problem?"

"Well, maybe we'll just have to make some kind of joke out of it. We could run some campaign ads offering a whole series of $10,000 bets. We could bet on which branch of government Rick Perry will mix up next, or whether Newt Gingrich's marriage would last his full first term as president, or how many times Michele Bachmann will use the word 'Obamacare' during the next debate."

"Great idea. And if Romney loses enough of those bets, he would be a regular guy just like most Americans."

"Uh, I hate to tell you how many $10,000 bets Mitt would have to lose to sink down to regular guy level. He is worth over $200 million, so he could afford to lose more than 20,000 bets like that. I don't think there is time before Iowa votes."

"How about if we just run ads explaining that Romney is willing to throw away large amounts of his personal fortune to help average Americans like poor Rick Perry?"

"Or maybe we should explain that $10,000 to Mitt Romney would be the equivalent of about five bucks to an average American. It would have been insulting for Romney to offer a $5 or even a $100 bet. That would be like pennies to most of us."

"Maybe we could say that Romney supports personal responsibility and just wanted to illustrate his belief that Americans should only gamble what they can easily afford to lose. In his case, he wouldn't even notice $10,000."

"Maybe we should just say he was joking."

"Or we could say he was drunk, the way Rick Perry looked at that dinner speech a few weeks ago."

"We're going to say a former missionary was drunk?"

"Good point. Maybe we'd better not say anything and just hope the whole thing blows over."

"Yeah, but how are we going to prevent another dumb statement like that one? Maybe we have to put Mitt on an allowance so he knows the value of money to the average American."

"Now you're talking. Let's make him ride around in a beat up pickup truck or something like that."

"Didn't we already try that? And remember how phony he looks whenever he wears jeans to try to look like  a regular guy? People spot that a mile away."

"Then maybe we should be spreading the information that all the other GOP candidates have lots of dough also."

"That might work for some of them, but not somebody like Santorum."

"Don't worry, we don't need to spread any rumors about Santorum. Just tell people to look him up on google."

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