Thursday, October 6, 2011

Press Conference

Here is a summary of President Obama's news conference this morning, for those who do not have time to watch or read the whole thing (official transcript here, video below). Every question is a paraphrase of the actual questions that were asked (except for the last one):

Q: Back when you were making deals with the Republicans, we criticized you for being weak and compromising, so don't you think it's fair that now we should criticize you for acting tough and calling out the Republicans about the jobs bill?

A: When it comes to dealing with the Republicans, let's just take it as a given that whatever approach I take, they will attack me for it. Whatever I propose, they are against it. The question we should really be asking is why the media are being duped into playing that game.

Q: I hear that the switchboards at the Capitol are not being jammed with calls asking Congress to pass the jobs bill. Are you worried that you are losing your magic powers?

A: What you are suggesting is that if people are so disgusted with Congress these days they aren't even bothering to call their representatives, that must be my fault. I would suggest that you take up Congress's problems with Congress. I'm doing my job. This time my team even wrote the bill for Congress. All they have to do is pass it.

Q: If the Republicans in Congress won't do what is right for the country, isn't that your fault also?

A: Unfortunately, when I tried the Vulcan mind meld on John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, my powers failed. For that I must accept responsibility.

Q: What do you think of this Occupy Wall Street movement? Isn't that your fault also?

A: Did you happen to keep track of who voted in favor of more financial regulation and who voted against it?

Q: Why haven't there been more prosecutions of Wall Street bankers?

A: That could be because most of their shenanigans were in fact legal. And did you happen to notice who voted for more laws to keep the bankers in line, and who voted against that?

Q: How come my bank is charging me $5 a month to use my debit card?

A: I hear they also stopped giving away toasters. Is that my fault also?

Q: Since one company that the government guaranteed loans for went under, doesn't that prove that the whole program was a failure?

A: No it doesn't.

Q: Mr. President, what about the European debt crisis? 

A: Good question. You don't understand the problem, but hardly anyone else does either. Anyway, don't worry, we're all over it. OK, one last question.

Q: Sir, if you gave an order that Santiago wasn't to be touched, and your orders are always followed, why would it be necessary to transfer him off the base?

A: On second thought, I don't have time to answer any more questions. I have work to do.

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