Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Leaked Documents from Pakistan!

Just released: some excerpts from the minutes of the Planning Commission meeting for the town of Abbottabad, in 2005.

 Q: All right, next up we have an application for a permit to construct some modifications to a private home off of Kakul Road, and build a 12 foot concrete wall all around it. May we have the applicant's name please?

A: I'd prefer if you just called me by my code name, "Courier."

Q: All right Mr. Courier, please tell us the reason you need to build such large fortifications around your house?

A: We like our privacy.

Q: I see. Well, what are these metal supports shown on the plans?

A: That is for stringing the barbed wire.

Q: Do you really think in such a safe neighborhood, that you have to be concerned about people trying to scale such high concrete walls?

A: You never know. It's better to be careful, we think.

Q: What is the purpose of this double set of large gates, and the long passageway between them?

A: Our architect just thought that would make a dramatic entry into our compound.

Q: How many people are going to be living in this house? I notice you are expanding to a size much larger than all your neighbors.

A: Only about 30 or 40, mostly women and children, nothing for you to be concerned about.

Q: That many? Won't that have an effect on parking and congestion, and the strain on municipal resources?

A: Most of them will never be leaving the property, so we should not bother our neighbors at all. Also we plan to burn all our own trash, and we will not be hooking up to the telephone lines.

Q: You've thought of everything, haven't you. I just noticed that these architectural plans you submitted are titled "OBL Hideout." What does that mean?

A: Oh, that is just a whimsical name that the architect came up with for our little retreat. It doesn't mean anything at all.

Q: You are planning to build an enormous fortified structure less than a mile away from the nation's most prestigious military academy. Do they have any concerns about this building?

A: Don't worry. I have a letter from one of the senior officers, stating that they are well aware of our building plans and have no problems with them.

Q: You've thought of everything, haven't you. Why don't we make that letter part of the record? 

A: Actually, we would prefer to keep that information confidential, if you don't mind. The officer wants us to respect his privacy.

Q: We understand. Well, I'm glad you have gone to so much trouble to follow all the rules of our city and be a good neighbor. Any other questions before we stamp these plans approved? No? Very well, then, welcome to Abbottabad, and we hope you enjoy hiding out, er . . . living here.



(Diagram from CIA/AP) (authenticity of this transcript awaiting verification)

3 comments:

  1. How nice of the architect to include a helipad for unexpected early morning visitors!

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  2. This made me lol. Good one Joe.

    ReplyDelete